What is the goal of parenting? This topic is so tricky. And scary. And controversial perhaps. But I’ve decided that my goal of parenting is not that my kids will follow Christ.

Deep breathes, Everyone.

Why? Well, because it’s really not something I have the power to do. And my kids’ faith decisions are actually not a reflection of the quality of my parenting, or a representation of my faith.

Whew. That’s pretty hard to say.

A good goal is within my control. It’s achievable. And my kids’ faith is not within my control. That’s a hard thing to say, so let’s say it again. Your kids’ faith decisions are not something you can control. I’m tempted to wish I could. But I’m realizing that when I wish I was in control of my kids’ faith decisions, I am ultimately telling God that I don’t believe He’s pursing their hearts and I don’t trust the Spirit to work in their lives, and I think I can do it better than God. 

Oops.

I don’t know everything about parenting, but I do know a few things about God. I know God loves my children and He wants nothing more than to have my children come to Him. He is wooing them. He is pursuing them in perfect ways. He has perfect timing. He is revealing Himself to my children. He has specific plans for them, ways for them to love the people of this world.

So what are my goals of parenting? Well, I’d like to propose that parenting is an act of worship. We love unconditionally, we sacrifice unendingly, and we trust God’s guidance when we feel lost. And even when it’s hard, there is an underlying delight and joy. In all of these ways, we worship. In many ways, parenting is much more about the parent than the child. When I am emotionally and spiritual healthy, then my parenting will be emotionally and spiritually healthy.

The goal of parenting may be worshipping the One who gave us children, but we also have many responsibilities to our children. I won’t presume to have an exhuastive list, but rather a starting point. And let’s assume the basics of food, shelter, discipline and safety have already been provided. But I think we all know that our calling as parents is much greater than the basics.

First, building a lifelong relationship with my child is supremely important, because it is the foundation for any influence I may have. It is the way that our children learn to give and receive love in their futures, either with people or God. When we sacrifice relationship, we sacrifice influence.

I also have a responsiblity to pray for my children. I cannot control their faith decisions, but I can intercede on their behalf. On the Risen Motherhood podcast (ep. 113), Nancy Guthie says:

…we want to be pouring ourselves into begging God to do what only God can do, by the way, which is, take our child from spiritual death to spiritual life. Only he can do that.

Also, I want to give them the skills they need to make a decision about their faith. This includes cognitive knowledge of scripture, theology, and spiritual disciplines. I acknowledge that knowing about God may be necessary, but it is not sufficient for heart change. Something must change within their heart to bring about repentence and surrender, and that doesn’t come from knowledge. That comes from the work of the Spirit and I trust He’s doing it.

My kids need to see what it looks like to live a life of faith. I want to model a vibrant relationship with God, because they’ll see my faith closer than they’ll ever see someone model faith again. My faith has to be real and I want them to see how it changes me and leads me to love the world around me.

And lastly, I want to create space for my kids to be more likely to interact with the Spirit. That’s why we go to church and read the Bible at home. But it’s also why we travel, and get out in nature, and ask for forgiveness, and resolve conflicts, and serve those in need, and welcome others into our home, and talk about world issues. God is in all of this. So we are in all of this.

My goal is to love my kids well. It is my act of worship. The outcome or result of my parenting is out of my control. We need to stop seeing parenting as a success or failure, based on how well our children meet our expectations. Parenting is a success when we love God well and love our children well. Love God; Love people- just as Jesus asked us to.