Some days the kids just seem so extra super annoying. Am I right? What is wrong with them? Did they have too much sugar or caffine? Not sleep enough? Did they secretly band together to ruin my day?

I suppose it’s possible, but after a few years of having these supremely awful days every so often, I had a realization. My kids are actually not really any more or less annoying on any given day. The only thing that really changes in this equation is me.  What changes is that my attitude and ability to offer patience and love diminishes on some days.  It took me a while to realize what was different about these awful days. And it wasn’t the kids. The bad days are the days that I’m depleted. I’ve neglected caring for my own needs. I’m left lacking in every single Fruit of the Spirit. I’m not loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, fathful, gentle, or full of self-control. That equates to a cranky Mommy.  If the kids seem extra intolerable, it is far more likely that I haven’t slept well, or I have some unmet emotional/spiritual/physical needs that I haven’t cared for.

In fact, I now use my kids’ annoying-ness as more of a barometer of my own self-care. If the kids are really bugging me, I know it’s time to look at myself. What unmet needs are pulling me down? Do I need some alone time? Prayer? A date night? A cry? Am I hungry? Do I need an early bedtime? Do I need help with housework? Time in nature? Or do I need deper self-care, like therapy, spiritual direction, or intercessory prayer? Or perhaps I need a major life change?

In general, I’ve started to treat myself like a toddler. If I have no patience for a schedule change, or I am crying over little things, or I am throwing a temper tantrum…. I probably need snuggles or food or alone time or sleep. #toddlerlife.  Or I need therapy, prayer, or some life coaching.

But of course, sometimes the kids really do have a bad day. It happens. They have needs too. The child in question probably needs a nap, or perhaps a snack. They need you. So make sure you’re ready.