Emotions. They can be strong. I’ve always considered myself an emotionally stable person. I’m not prone to outbursts or accusations, and I’ve got decent skills at talking through conflict in healthy ways. But what I’ve been learning is that I’m not always comfortable feeling strong emotions. I tend to minimize or try to escape when the emotions feel uncomfortable.

Isn’t that what we value? People who can share authentically and resolve conflict, but don’t get overwhelmed or out of control? But that’s not who I want to be. 

I don’t want to ignore my strong feelings out of some sort of fear of being overwhelmed. My experience and perspective is important. And knowing myself well means fully understanding my emotions and what caused them. I want to figure out my underlying need or desire that lead to those strong emotions.  

So I’ve been leaning into my feelings. Feeling them. Not turning away from them. And you know what? 

I keep crying.  

It’s awful. I hate it. Everything in me is screaming that crying is weak and stupid and a terrible communication method.  

But it’s not. It’s my body’s signal that what I’m thinking/saying/feeling is important to me. It means I need to pay attention. It’s an indication that that I’m circling my passions. I’m either sad that something isn’t as it should be or I’m delighted that something is so beautiful.  

So I haven’t apologized for crying. And I don’t plan to.  

I can’t always find words to explain why water is seeping out of my eyes. But isn’t that the point? When I don’t have the words to explain, my body still communicates.  

Apparently, I feel passionately about my kids, my husband, my job, my friends and their struggles, worship, fighting shame, justice, other people’s kids, writing, authentic relationships, my kids’ stress level, my own self-care and growth, emotional victories, cheering for other’s accomplishments, facing my fears and finding purpose. I feel no shame about these things being important to me. In fact, I’m proud that these are the things that stir my soul. I celebrate, grieve, and yearn.  

I don’t want to be a person living a life that never moves me to tears.  

And while I still hate crying. I’m learning to stop fighting it. I am grateful for its message. It’s telling me that I’m in places that matter to me. I’m involved in things that stir me. So I will keep leaning in and listening to the messages that my tears are telling me.