When you’ve worked in Children’s Ministry for all of about 3 minutes, you start to wonder How can we encourage parents to influence their children’s spirituality? From my experience it seems pretty clear that the traditional method of giving parents some sort of written resource to use at home is not the assistance parents are craving. Whether it is a take-home review sheet, a family devotion, a magazine, a website or book, it is just not very helpful or useful.

Some families use a resource at home, but I find that they typically like to select their own resources. But that’s not really the issue. Because really we’ve inadvertently veered off course from the original question. We asked How can we encourage parents to influence their children’s spirituality? And then we start looking for fabulous book-type resources that we can recommend. We’re making an assumption that a resource can equate to influence. And that’s flawed thinking.

But here’s the deal:

Parents already are the primary spiritual influence of their children’s faith development, whether or not they accept that role.

Think about it. When you consider what your early perceptions of God are, you immediately start to think about the messages you were taught from your parents and the role they played in your life. The truth is, you start to think about what type of person your mom or dad was. Did they teach you that you had to earn approval and love through working hard or succeeding academically? Did they seem to never have time for you? Were they quick to forgive, or did they write shame messages about your identity? Did they struggle with an addiction and put you in a caretaking role? Were you victimized and left feeling unsafe? Did you feel protected and cared for? Did you learn that keeping the peace was what was needed of you? Did you feel safe and nurtured? These messages quickly turn into our views of God, and rewriting them is part of our spiritual growth.

So now, it’s our turn. We are the parents. And we can read our kids a devotional and take them to church (and that’s great), but the true impact of our parenting is going to be How Jesus has transformed our lives. Because our kids see more clearly than probably anyone what our character is, how we deal with our flaws and how we are loving the world around us. The best thing we can do for our kids is to let them see that Jesus is working in us to make us more loving, more generous, more forgiving and more patient. Our kids need to see that we are pursuing Him. That we fail sometimes, and in our failure we turn toward God, not away. Let your kids see that you are striving after Jesus and figuring out how to love people. Talk about these things “when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deut 6:7-9). This is so much harder than reading a couple paragraphs to your kids. This will take courage and vulnerability and time and energy.

I’m not saying that resources aren’t a great thing. And I hope you’re reading scripture with your children. But don’t forget that your kids need to see “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Col. 1:27) This hope is what they crave, and seeing Christ in you, will make Jesus something they trust and crave.