Easter is always a strange experience for me. I’m not sure a lot of other Christians are going to resonate with this, but Easter is the time of year when I am most clearly face-to-face with my doubts about my faith. Everybody else is singing about victory in Jesus and hanging purple banners of royalty and there is so much “He is risen indeed.” But I’m over in the corner wondering if my faith is really enough to carry me through the real experiences of life. Metaphorically, that is. Literally, I am trying to keep my sons from taking off their dress shoes and throwing them at the pastor in the middle of the Easter service.

As Christians, we believe that Jesus actually was dead and then came back to life. It’s not some weird medical condition where Jesus was in a coma or just really sick or was a good actor. Historical evidence is clear about the fact that Jesus died on the cross. 

And then three days later He was alive. 

Ummmm….. why don’t we talk about how this is absurd?

But it’s a core tenant of our Christian faith, and I’d like to suggest that it’s the absurdity that makes Jesus worthy of worship. We can’t just skip over Friday and Saturday to Sunday’s celebration. Denying the magnitude of the situation doesn’t make this story seem more normal. It just makes our faith seem small. Jesus’s resurrection is only amazing because it is so improbable. 

Everything we know says the resurrection is impossible. Faith requires that we admit that logic has failed us. If we can explain it with logic and science, then we have reason, but not faith. I appreciate apologetics so very much, and I’m grateful for those who do the hard work of supporting our faith with evidence. But logic will come to an end. We will not be able to science our way through to belief. I wish i could. I’d so much rather be told scientific explanations for God and His work, and be able to trust in logic and reason. I’d rather understand God than trust God.

But faith. 

It would appear that God makes concerted effort to make sure that explanations and logic and science and brain power will make us appreciate Him, but will never be quite enough to prove to us that He is who He says He is, and He does what He says He does. It appears that God leaves a gap. A gap that requires faith to cross. He desires that we trust, admit lack of answers, surrender, die to self, and give up control. 

We’re not going to be sure. We can’t know everything. There will be mysteries and confusion and missing pieces. We’d like to believe that we have explanations and answers and confidence; that we have the right answers. We’d prefer a good solid “right answer” instead of having to admit that we have to trust that redemption will make all things new. We are asked to believe that the story isn’t over yet, and it has a good ending.

God is a God of trust-falls. He doesn’t want us to know; He wants us to trust. It would be great if God would explain Himself to us, mark out the path, show us the science, or prove to us why we can trust Him. I’d love for God to give us this safe, and scientifically validated, staircase to climb. But no, He asks us to just jump, trusting that He will catch us.

Let’s stop and pause to respect our doubts and uncertainties and lack of knowledge. If we don’t, we refuse to give our faith the space it needs to flex its muscles. Let’s admit that the resurrection is hard to believe. Let’s ask the hard questions about evil and suffering and failures. And let’s be ok with there not always being an immediate answer. Give God our doubts and uncertainties. Let’s talk about that gap. That gap is faith. 

I don’t think we’re supposed to know all the answers. The hardest of questions don’t have quick answers. But those are the questions we need to ask and ponder. There will always be a gap in our understanding. Our world is broken, and needs restoration. There’s a gap between what is and what should be. There’s a gap between what we question and what we understand. There’s a gap between how we want the world to work, and how it actually functions. The gap is real and it’s often ugly. The gap reminds us that we need an absurd solution. We need a resurrection.

I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! (Mark 9:24)